Le gustaban las píldoras. No sabía desde cuándo, sólo sabía que le gustaban. Cuando se despertaba fumaba un cigarro, tomaba yogur y se sentaba a mirar el techo. No sabía qué hacer con su vida. Se sentía mal y tan sólo cuando las usaba su vida se arreglaba -irónicamente- un poco. Le gustaba leer y quería dejar de hacer lo que estaba haciendo. No sabía que pensar. Necesitaba usar lentes y no lo hacía, le gustaba tener las uñas de colores. Quería mudarse y su vida era un poco bastante aburrida e incoherente.
Como ésto.

We should be whispering all the time.

I should be writing an essay but instead I’m doing this.

I wish I had longer eyelashes. I am always sad but I’m laughing most of the time and meaning it. But it doesn’t stop me from being sad. I wish I had been born somewhere else. Somewhere nice in Europe, somewhere cold and by the seashore. I wish I had money to travel. All I want to do in life is to learn and travel and read and write. I don’t want children but sometimes I’d like to adopt a kid, just so he knows he is deeply loved, and so I can teach him things I wish I had been taught and raise him how I’d have liked to be raised. I’m constantly gravitating between extreme misanthropy and wanting to kiss and hug everyone. I want the world to be happy. I want them to feel good about themselves. I’m studying Modern Languages. I want to study Literature. I like books more than anything else. I also like sex. My room is painted red, white and black. I have a couch, a bed, a desk, a yellow chair, a bookshelf, tons of paintings and pictures, a clock, post-it notes, a wooden chest and a metal basket. I wish I were good at drawing. I like music a whole lot but I don’t listen to it every day. I’m trying to completely figure out my sexual identity. I like the city I live in but I don’t feel safe. I love my family but I dislike their principles. I believe in equality. I have a pretty fucked up concept of life. I like alcohol and drugs. If you met me in real life you’d think I’m the kind of person who hates to drink. I actually love drinking, it makes me feel numb. I like feeling numb. I frequently go to the psychologist. I’m depressed and you wouldn’t tell if I hadn’t told you. I do stupid things all the time; you’d be amazed. I love languages. I love words. I’m in love with the world yet I want to kill myself ninety percent of the time. I’m always talking non-sense. I never talk about my feelings and that’s why I’m so sad all the time, according to my therapist. I should talk more. My favorite class is Morphology and Syntaxes. I drink whisky like it is water and I swallow an absurdly amount of pills every day. I lie most of the time. I like hurting people and I don’t know how to feel about it. I actually never know how I feel. I don’t like pretentious people. I loathe my father. I like girls. I like boys. I don’t believe in god but I don’t mind people who do, as long as they don’t take away anyone’s rights or try to shove their beliefs down my throat. Humanity is terribly stupid. We should love more and fight less. Money is overrated. I’m the happiest person you could ever meet. Dreaming scares me. I’m in love with every person I’ve ever met. I should stop hurting myself so much. English is not my first language. I waste my time. I like kisses. I don’t like poems. I’m a cliché. I dislike stereotypes. I hate having an opinion because so many things piss me off. I am not what I’ve told you above. I’m all lies and I’m disgustingly in love with a dark-haired boy with puppy eyes and small ears. I’m actually a nice person and a good listener.

happy.